Thursday, April 21, 2005

Learnin' 


Old Book
Originally uploaded by Chris_J.
I was walking by a non-profit place in Hollywood recently where they teach people to read. It's an important mission, and it's brave of people to finally seek out the help they need. But those teachers, perhaps, could learn a little bit of tact.

As I was walking, an african american guy was leaving the center with his kid. The guy had gold fronted teeth, a fancy tracksuit, and the confident swagger of somebody you don't really want to mess with. I couldn't help but think of the effort it took him to go in there and admit his faults. As he was walking away, the little baby in his arms was cooing and giggling.

"You know what?" yelled the well-meaning but tactless literacy teacher after him, in front of a street crowded with people, "He's happy because his daddy is learning to read!"

I hope that guy isn't too embarrassed to go back.

--opus

posted by opus  at 12:52 PM

Monday, April 11, 2005

Speedy Pinata 


Bring Me The Head Of Pinata
Originally uploaded by opusmo.
I am shocked to learn I didn't post this earlier. I'm a lazy, lazy man.

A couple of months back, the great folks at Tomorrow's Brightest Minds asked me to do a short film with them. These are uber-talented people, who have done music videos for Death Cab For Cutie and The Distillers and The Donnas and a bunch of other folks. They were given some money by a roof-rack company to make a short film, and asked me to play the lead.

It was a little daunting to show up at the meeting with a bunch of bigshot executives as the Tomorrow's Brightest Minds crew pitched their film. When it got to the topic of the script, director Boo simply said "We've hired a very talented improv performer who is going to come up with the material." It took me a minute to realize they meant me.

The actual shoot day was insane - an all-day ordeal of driving from place to place in a rented 1978 van. It immediately began leaking steering fluid, so turning that massive whale of a vehicle became a test of one's strength (or, in my case, lack thereof). Then at one point the driver's side window simply shattered when a P.A. slammed the door too hard. All the while, I was dressed in a cheap matador outfit - supposedly one-size-fits-all but I don't think that included lanky guys who are six foot four.

But through all this, I had a blast, babbling on about pinatas and making a kickass little film. I am only a small part of it - the folks at Tomorrow's Brightest Minds truly did all the hard work. I just drove the van. Please enjoy.

Watch Speedy Pinata Now! Okay!


--opus

posted by opus  at 4:14 PM

Friday, April 08, 2005

Wrong Number 


telephone junkyard 2
Originally uploaded by Sneaky G.
Actual Transcript:

(Phone rings)
ME: Hello?
GUY: Is Rachel there?
ME: I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number.
GUY: Oh. Well, let's get rid of the Governor.
ME: What?
GUY: Let's get rid of the Governor.
ME: Um...
GUY: See, that makes those wrong numbers a lot more interesting, huh?
ME: It sure makes them more confusing.
GUY: Let's get rid of the son of a bitch in the white house, too. Bye!
(Hangs up).

posted by opus  at 1:22 PM

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I Am Not On TV 


Me plus me = us
Originally uploaded by opusmo.
Hello my friends.

I would like to clear something up. Apparently there is somebody who looks an awful lot like me hawking chicken sandwiches on a Wendy's commercial. Several people have congratulated me on my commercial, which wouldn't be so bad if I actually were in a commercial.

If I were in a Wendy's commercial I would be wolfing down sandwich after sandwich, in the sort of fast-food-induced haze that Dave Thomas spent 30 years in, bathing in an Uncle Scrooge-like pile of money while getting massages by swedish supermodels.

As is, I am not on a commercial, or even currently employed, so my daze comes only from a lack of nutrition, I bathe not in money but in my own filth, and the massages come from the buzzards who land on my body from time to time to see if have perished.

Okay, it's not that bad, but, seriously, I'm not in a Wendy's Commercial.

--opus

posted by opus  at 4:53 PM

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