Monday, December 25th, 2006

Friday, January 30, 2004

Submitted for Perusal Without Comment or Judgement

Nice Tits Dot Org

posted by opus  at 2:17 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Political Analogy of the Day

John Kerry looks like how Charlie Brown's Teacher talks.


posted by opus  at 2:12 PM

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

My new theory.

I think the Intel Inside logo:

Was fired, gained a lot of weight, probably broke up with his lady-logo friend. Maybe he had to move in with his paretns. He had his letters taken away, leaving him with his sad little face. And he became the sad little Zoloft blob:

Thank goodness modern pharmacology is there to help.


posted by opus  at 12:15 PM

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Okay, this has gotten out of hand. I just saw an ad for President Bush on friendster paid for by the RNC.

Friendster, where hip youths show off their new hairdos and trade stories about their acid trips at Burning Man. Where the sole purpose of the site is to hook up and have premarital sex. Whose existance probaby has a lot to do with the copios free time bored 20-somethings who can't get a decent job in this economy. That friendster.

Wait a minute. Friendster is:
- Bloated
- More popular than it deserves
- Spending WAY more money than it's making
- Experiencing a massive backlash from people who once supported it.
- Accused of violations of our privacy.

Hmm... maybe it IS a lot like Bush!


posted by opus  at 12:42 PM

In honor of the New Hampshire primaries today, I offer another link to my bit on
The Democratic Candidates and their Cartoon Equivalents

Now growing less relevant with every passing day!


posted by opus  at 11:06 AM

Monday, January 26, 2004

Shindig Shindug

Well last night was my First Annual Super Re-gifting Party BBQ and Funtime Celebration USA. I hadn't had a party in a while, becuase my apartment setup doesn't really allow for late night bashes. Any party in my apartment becomes an audio party in every accompanying apartment as well. As the Beastie Boys fought and died for, your Right to Party comes with some heavy responsibilities too.

So it was a late-afternoon ho-down, with burgers on the grill and a heavy BYOB edict because I can't afford too much booze. Also was the inventive "Regifting" element to the party - bring a crappy gift you want to give away, and put it in the gift swap.

The first hour was torture. Everybody plans on coming so fashionable late that it leaves a neurotic host like me in a tizzy. After 45 minutes only 4 people had shown up, only two of which I actually knew. This is when I curled up into a fetal position and rocked gently atop the "mild" salsa dish, sure that my bash was a bust.

But soon enough, the people started pouring in like housewives at a Neil Diamond concert. People came, brought beer, ate burgers. The best part was that these people represented many different aspects of my life - some from Kilborn, some from Tom Green, some from college, some I met independant of any of that. And they all mingled nicely, and except for a brief rumble between my friends in the Bloods and the Crips, they all behaved themselves.

The Re-Gifting Swap went well. Amongst the Bad Gifts given away were:

- A candle covered in endangered bird stickers.
- Fresh Tuna
- A banana tree
- A shirt signed by David Arquette
- A pen with a built-in radio
- A DVD of "Flatliners"
- A dancing hamster that sang the Tom Jones hit "It's Not Unusual."

So thanks to all who came, and to those who didn't, you missed out. Now where are you gonna get that Dancing Hamster you always wanted, hmmm? Thought so.


posted by opus  at 10:01 AM

Friday, January 23, 2004

I Am Cranky

I awoke this morning, and there wasn't the foreboding sense of dread one associates with a bad day. That's the first problem. If I'm gonna have a bad day, at least give me a few signs. Let me work up to it slowly. Start with thunderous overcast clouds; that's always a good method of forshadowing. Worked for Poe.

Anyways, I make my way to my car and notice that my air freshener is on my passenger seat. And my glove compartment is open. And... wait a minute. My car has been broken into! By what appears to be... a car rummager! A rummager of cars! This person rummaged through my stuff, decided he didn't want the kite I keep in the backseat or the case of iced tea that I keep forgetting to take in. In fact, all that seemed to be missing was my change from my dashboard. But damn it! It's my car! It was rummaged!

So I'm cranky, but I drive to work, cursing the evil Car Rummager. Traffic is beyond atrocious. It's horrible. Soon I find out why - they're gearing up for the Golden Globes at the Beverly Hilton. There are television trucks and production vans parked in the street. Trucks! In the street! That's MY street! I need it! For driving!

I finally get to work, I pull into the garage... and reach up to click the clicker to get in. Of course. DAMN YOU CAR RUMMAGER! He stole my clicker! What the hell does this guy need my clicker for? Does the Car Rummager just like things that click? Stupid Car Rummager.

It's Friday, which means it's street-cleaning day. So of course one half of all the parking spots are off-limits. So I drive around for a good ten minutes before I finally find an open meter. I pull in, I reach up for some change... and... DAMN YOU CAR RUMMAGER! It's like this guy just PLANNED to make my parking situation difficult. He stole all my change.

So I head off to 7-11, get a "S'mores Hot Chocolate" to get some change, and finally head into work, a good half hour late. And tomorrow morning, expect me up at 7:00 on a saturday to drive my car into the shop.

In summary, I would just like to reiterate: DAMN YOU CAR RUMMAGER!

Thank you and good day.


posted by opus  at 9:56 AM

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I forgot Wesley Clark in my rundown of The Democratic Candidates and their Cartoon Equivalents so now he's included. I hope you guys aren't too young to know what Jonny Quest is.


posted by opus  at 10:29 AM

Monday, January 19, 2004

New Writing Comedy Political Satire Thingy.

The Democratic Candidates And Their Cartoon Equivalents.

Go! Click now! For serious! Love it! Hate it! Send me hate mail! Send me love mail!


posted by opus  at 10:07 PM

Weird online kaleidoscope on a site full of weird online fun. While away an afternoon that should be spent working!


posted by opus  at 11:55 AM

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Only in Hollywood will you find yourself muttering to yourself as your search for parking, "That damn stretch limo is taking up two spots."


posted by opus  at 3:38 PM

Friday, January 16, 2004

Two things about baja fresh

1. On the menu board, they list the lo-cal and lo-carb options under the large title Lifestyle Choices. Lifestyle choices? Yeah I'll have the burrito ultimo with a side order of pre-op transexual, please.

2. The guy who played Long Duck Dong in 16 Candles is here. He got the enchiladas.


posted by opus  at 3:05 PM

My favorite new blog is the smartly written and researched and stupidly named DonkeyRising. Makes me feel like the situation in this country isn't in an dire unreversible death spiral - for a moment at least.


posted by opus  at 10:30 AM

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Drivers Stupid

If you were driving down Santa Monica Blvd during the morning rush hour, it would be a really stupid thing for you to have two cars, side by side, and have a guy with a video camera hanging out of one car, taping a guy in the second car. Also, going 20 miles per hour and holding up both lanes of traffic would also suck.

I wish this were a purely hypothetical situation. But it was my morning commute.


posted by opus  at 2:22 PM

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Last night I was watching television and I heard a NASA scientists describe the dry lake bed landing site of the Mars Rover as "crater the size of Connecticut."

I said aloud "Hell, I've been to a vast empty crater the size of Connecticut. It was called Connecticut."

Then I noticed I was alone. Why must my wittiness go unappreciated?


posted by opus  at 3:00 PM

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

A fantastic panoradmic interactive quicktime vr thingy ofthe surface of Mars. Bush is now investigating it for Weapons of Mass Destruction.


posted by opus  at 10:07 AM

Monday, January 12, 2004

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Okay, deep breathh. In an art... ha ha ha ha ha. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, jesus. It's just too funny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

In an article in the... ha ha ha...okay, sorry. In an article in the New York Daily News George Bush is quoted as saying... hahahahahahaha

Okay. He's quoted as saying: " 'No President has ever done more for human rights than I have."

Ha ha ha ha ha oh, God, that's rich.


posted by opus  at 3:47 PM

Hillarious, unintended humor at the Moe's Tavern Set Page contained in the reviews. Angry, angry parents upset that this toy depicts a bar (gasp!) where people drink alchohol (shocker!) and get drunk (oh no!). Nevermind that it's not really ever meant for kids...


posted by opus  at 2:53 PM

Popular imaging program Adope Photoshop has admitted to putting anti-counterfeit programming into its latest release. What does this mean? It means when you scan a twenty dollar billl, it won't let you use it. At all.

This to me is just silly. Why can't I use my money my way? And besides, the act of scanning money isn't illegal. It's not even illegal to PRINT it again, as long as it's only one-sided, and less thatn 75% or greater than 150% of original size. But if I want to scan in an draw a moustache on Ben Franklin, I'm outta luck.

What's next? A no-boobies feature to prevent pornography? An anti-Bush feature so we can no longer mock the president in doctored photos?

Hell, i wouldn't be suprised if some XXXXXXX blogging program started XXXXXX control over XXXX what I XXXXXX in my XXXXXX.


posted by opus  at 12:32 PM

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Best Instant Message Spam Ever

I got this instant message today:

hi my name is Elizabeth. I have no face, died in a fire 3 years ago. The person who writting this is possesed. Im sorry but if you don't send this to 10 people I will come in your room tonight and stare at you, will look like a three year old girl with red hair. I will do this every night. You have 7 minutes.

So, just a warning, if you come over my house, expect to see a little girl with no face and red hair staring at me. Apparently, she won't do anything, just stare. I may use her as a coatrack. Or I could teach her some secret signals to help me cheat at poker. Or she could teach me how she got so good at typing at only three years old, and I could teach her some basic rules of grammar.

Oh, Elizabeth the no-faced three year old read-headed ghost child, we're going to be best friends!


posted by opus  at 6:11 PM

Friday, January 09, 2004

Here we go again with another Quote About George W. Bush Of The Day:

Bush was "like a blind man in a room full of deal people" during cabinet meetings.
-Former Bush Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill

That's the guy Bush hired for the job, folks. And then fired once O'Neill reminded Bush that sending the country into a massive defecit wasn't a fantastic idea.

With colleagues like this, who needs democrats?


posted by opus  at 4:04 PM


I just found out that there's a new documentary opening that's the sequel to one of my favorite nonfiction films ever, Aileen Wournos: The Selling Of A Serial Killer. It's by the same filmmaker, Nick Broomfield, and chronicles what has happened since he stopped making the first film.

There's some irony in a sequel, since the real person Aileen Wournos was put to death. I plan to see it soon, and I'll let you know what I think.

But the original film is a stunning document at how misguided the legal system can be, and how the cavalier attitude people can have towards human life. Aileen Wournos absolutely committed great crimes, but the people around her, her lawyers, her so-called friends - committed even worse. They pretended to care for a person, only to shepherd her to the death chamber while making money off of interviews they were giving.

Some people won't like Broomfield's bumbling naive reporting, but unlike many of his other films, he doesn't make himself too much of the story in the original Aileen Wournos documentary. This is because he's discovered such sordid and seedy character that they overshadow anybody else on the screen. Eventually, these characters dig their own graves, all the while preparing to dig one for Wournos.

It's better than watching Charlize Theron in make-up putty and a fatsuit!


posted by opus  at 1:38 PM

Today's fun fact about George W. Bush, brought to you from the pages of Fortunate Son by J.H. Hatfield.

When Bush in his late 20s/early 30s decided to go into the Oil Business, he started up a company called Arbusto Oil (Arbusto being Spanish for Bush). Bush provided the "expertise" and the money came from a man called James Bath. Mr. Bath made his money by being the guy who invested money in the states for rich people from the middle east. One of Bath's clients was Salem bin Laden. Name sound familiar? He's Osama's father.

So essentially, money made off of the bin Laden family funded George W. Bush's first business. Creepy.

Do I think that there's a secret conspiracy between Bush and Bath and the bin Ladens? (Although, suspiciously, all of their names DO start with b...). No, that's a little too far-fetched. What I do think this shows is that the world of the incredibly wealthy and elite is a small one, and those upper 1% all run in the same circles. This is why Bush campaigned on Enron CEO Ken "Kenny Boy" Lay's airplane. It's not because they were plotting the downfall of a major corporation. It's that Billionaires like to hang out with other Billionares.

That sort of insular, self-contained world can't be good. Those people are out of touch. Need proof? Look at the tax cut Bush gave to his Billionaire Buddies, and the screw-job he gave to the middle and working classes. It's no conspiracy - it's just good old fashioned cronyism

. Still... Bush-Bath-bin Laden. Pretty freaky, huh?


posted by opus  at 10:01 AM

Thursday, January 08, 2004

New Tie Alert! New Tie Alert!

Corny? Yes. But adorable.

posted by opus  at 12:30 PM

I'm currently reading a fairly interesting book on George W. Bush, following the old biblical concept "Know thine Enemy". This is the book Fortunate Son which the Bush camp forced off the market because the didn't like some of the stuff it said. St. Martens, the major publisher, burnt every single copy.

Luckily an independent publisher, Soft Skull Press, got the rights to the book and put it out. They and the author faced so much harassment and even outright threats from the Bush administration that the author, J.H. Hatfield, committed suicide.

So I was expecting a harsh, biting look at Bush. Because, hell, that's how I feel. But here's the strange thing: The book is pretty nice to the guy. It's very well paced and balanced about giving all sides to any story, and gives Bush a lot more credit I ever cared to.

The point is, even people we don't like are human, they're bound to have good parts to balance out the bad. Bush was a fantastic pilot, albeit in the National Guard job that the Speaker of the House in Texas admits he helped Pappy George secure so that Dubya wouldn't have to go to Nam. But a good pilot? I never would have guessed he had it in him.

I'm still working my way through, but here is today's Quote About George Bush Of The Day.

"He's one of those guys who was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple."
-Former Presidential Advisor Paul Begala

posted by opus  at 7:47 AM

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Instant Message Funtime
Starring hr1highlander

hr1highlander : ur a fag, but u gat a tite website name.
hr1highlander :elmo nose where u live
Opusmo: elmo nose?
Opusmo: What an intruiging name!
Opusmo: Thank you. I shall treasure it.
hr1highlander :fag
Opusmo: Wow, you really have that on the brain, don't you?
hr1highlander : why is ur site named yomomma?
Opusmo: why are you named hr1highlander?
hr1highlander : when did you make it?
Opusmo: 1996, I think
hr1highlander : cause yomomma
Opusmo: you're going to have to start speaking in complete sentence if you want me to understand you.
hr1highlander : oh i see u to smart for huh?
Opusmo: see, that's one of those sentence that makes no sense.
hr1highlander : oh no end of world
hr1highlander : or does it make perfect sense
Opusmo: Wait, I know... you keep dropping words like "the" and "an"... are you Tarzan? You are, aren't you?
Opusmo: Me like you, tarzan!
hr1highlander : no me jane
hr1highlander : fag
Opusmo: Oh. Howdy jane.
Opusmo: You keep talking about fags a lot. Let me guess, you dream about them a lot, too?
hr1highlander : liking guys now are we????
Opusmo: It's okay, I'm not judging you.
Opusmo: Live your life how you want.
Opusmo: But seriously, you're going to have to stop hitting on me.
hr1highlander : no you misunderstand me
hr1highlander : you
Opusmo: Oh, it's okay. A lot of people live in the closet.
hr1highlander : are
hr1highlander : gay
Opusmo: Freud called that "projecting"
Opusmo: Seeing in others what you are tyring not to see in yourself.
hr1highlander : you have imaginary freinds to??
hr1highlander : whos Frued?
Opusmo: No, Sigmund Freud was actually a real person. Try cracking a book, tiger, it'll do you a world of good.
hr1highlander : you fruit
Opusmo: Founder of modern pyschology.
Opusmo: See, you're always talking about homosexuality. It's a recurring theme with you.
hr1highlander : let me guess you are one of those book worms that have no life
Opusmo: Nope. Guess again, though!
Opusmo: I actually am a nice, well-adjusted person who doesn't find strangers on the internet to insult.
hr1highlander : they stay in a book and get stuck in by to much info and their brain implodes on themselves
hr1highlander : i love book worms
Opusmo: Well, I'm glad for you.
hr1highlander : they flame my books every day if u catch my drift witch you probably don't
Opusmo: I'm nowhere near catching your drift.
Opusmo: Is this another gay thing? I keep telling you, I'm not interested in you, I'm straight.
hr1highlander : o no some ones coming i have to go i dont want to get caught talking with a fag such as ur self
Opusmo: Someday, my friend, you can come out of the closet in a tolerant world.
Opusmo: Good luck, my little gay friend.
Opusmo: Good luck.

posted by opus  at 4:47 PM

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

This is my Wish List from think geek dot com. If you really loved me, anonymous web person, you'd buy me EVERYTHING.


posted by opus  at 10:49 AM

Monday, January 05, 2004

Brilliant New Product For Hipsters in 2004

Trucker hats with Ashton Kutcher's picture on them.

posted by opus  at 2:06 PM

Worst. Product. Ever.

posted by opus  at 1:22 PM

I gots me a haircut.


posted by opus  at 12:54 PM

I've once again become fascinated with, a website that auctions off goods seized in police raids.

More so than ebay, you get a real sense of people's lives through this thing. The products range from the strange (five books in german) to the heartbreaking (a wide selection of strollers) to the blatantly criminal (yes, they do indeed have a crowbar up for auction).

The best part is the wide variety of items that are obviously for criminal intent. Lots of gun cases, knives, swords (!), and tons and tons of grow lights.

Pot growers, please. If you're going to buy a growlight, don't buy it DIRECTLY FROM THE POLICE AUCTION. Sometimes it pays to be paranoid, guys.


posted by opus  at 10:07 AM

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Who is Opus, you ask? Ask Googlism, they'll tell you.

My faves:

opus is a quietly elegant affair
opus is different
opus is a sweet melody
opus is your complete package
opus is a playful way of challenging copyright law
opus is "red bittern's dooryard"
opus is a state

posted by opus  at 8:36 PM

Friday, January 02, 2004

Check out the Google Year In Review. An amazingly nerdy snapshot of what people were looking for last year. Please note, this is only what people were looking for in text searches, which is why "peace of mind" and "a president who doesn't use isolationism and bravado to alieante the rest of the world" don't show up.


posted by opus  at 2:39 PM

Thursday, January 01, 2004

In-Flight Fun!

ME: Hey, I think I'm in that window seat.
FAT GUY IN AISLE SEAT: Oh, great, you mean I have to get up?
ME: Well, either that or I sit on your lap.
FAT GUY IN AISLE SEAT: (Silent, angry scowl)

posted by opus  at 9:20 AM


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